BOGUS CHURCH BLOODIED BUT UNBOWED

I am an ordained minister. I practice my ministry under the auspices of the Universal Life Church (ULC). I was ordained eight years ago in an elaborate, coronation-style ceremony. I even have a "congregation," known as the Assembly of Truth, and am empowered by the state of California to officiate weddings.

Founded by an illiterate Christian in 1959, the ULC has ordained more ministers than any other church in history. It’s motto the notion that all people should be accepted regardless of their faith, the ULC has ordained over 20 million ministers since 1959. The church’s primary tenet ("We are all children of the same universe") is rather uncontroversial.

The ULC is funded by donations and offers free ordination. The church offers a slew of premium religious titles including (in alphabetic order) Angel, Archbishop, Deacon, Dervish, Dr of Divinity, Dr. of Metaphysics, Goddess, Jedi Knight, Most Reverend, Pastor General, Prince, Prophet, Rabbi, Rector, Revelator, Reverend Mother, Right Reverend, Shaman, Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality, Vicar and Visionary.

Last week, a York County judge ruled that a couple’s marriage, performed by a ULC minister, was not valid under Pennsylvania law.

The couple, who broke up after seven months of marriage, had wondered whether their wedding, officiated by bogus minister Adam Johnston of the ULC, was even legal under state law.

Judge Maria Musti Cook ruled that Reverend Johnston had not been a member of the ULC prior to his ordination and did not have a congregation. Under Pennsylvania law, judges, mayors and the ministers, priests or rabbis of a "regularly established church or congregation" have the power to officiate weddings. Accordingly, Judge Cook decided that the wedding of Dorie Heyer and Jacob Hollerbrush was not legally valid.

Reverend Johnston himself testified that he did not meet regularly with his congregation and did not have a place of worship.

Ms. Heyer said of her own wedding: "It makes a mockery out of the whole marriage system."

G. Martin Freedman, president of the ULC Monastery, plans to challenge Cook’s ruling. Freedman commented that the choice to accept ministers of some churches but not others was arbitrary and unconstitutional. The First Amendment of the constitution mandates a separation of church and state.

The ULC is no stranger to the legal process, having fought for its right to exist for the past 48 years. The church maintains on its web site an up-to-the-minute index of its legal status in each of the 50 states.

As an unlicensed attorney, I believe the bogus church is on solid legal ground in its appeal. Judge Cook’s verdict raises very serious constitutional questions concerning church and state. Should state governments, be allowed to decide to accept some religions and reject others? What is to prevent the wholesome state of Utah from expelling all non-Mormons--or decreeing that only bigamy is valid?

(Catholics are drunks.)