Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

RUSSIAN POLITICIAN SLAMS BRITAIN

Russian buffoon and parliamentary leader Vladimir Volfovich Zhirinovsky flew into a rage during a press conference today, blustering that Britain is a nation of "bandits and criminals."

Zhirinovsky, leader of Russia’s inaptly named Liberal Democratic Party, stood next to wanted criminal Andrei Lugovoy, also a member of the LDP, throughout the press conference. Police in Britain consider Lugovoy, an ex-KGB agent, the prime suspect in the poisoning of former spy Alexander Litvinenko. British officials have been rebuffed in their efforts to extradite Lugovoy, who enjoys the full support of the Kremlin.

Zhirinovsky, a deputy speaker of the lower house of Russia’s Duma parliament, became enraged when a journalist asked him about Lugovoy’s legal troubles.

"Britain will disappear under the water one day," barked Zhirinovsky, his jowly face red with anger. "And it will serve you right...Even your sheep die every day and every hour due to your sickening British policies."

After criticizing British dentistry, Zhirinovsky moved on to the topic of foreign policy. "Britain, you keep the whole world soaked in blood. The whole world will hate you!" he shouted.

Zhirinovsky even had harsh language for the Queen: "You are all accomplices, all of you are similar bandits and criminals, your whole government, together with your Queen." The irony of making these remarks while standing next to a murder suspect eluded Zhirinovsky.

Among many other grievances, Zhirinovsky holds Britain accountable for supporting the Bolsheviks during the Russian Revolution of 1917, not fighting hard enough in World War II and promoting Chechen independence.

"Half of your embassy should be thrown out of Moscow. They are not diplomats; all of them are spies," said Zhirinovsky.

Zhirinovsky’s party holds 30 seats in the 450-seat Duma. This statistic does not prevent Zhirinovsky from making the bold prediction that the LDP will win one fifth of all seats in December parliamentary elections.

The LDP had previously announced Lugovoy’s Duma candidacy. At the press conference, Lugovoy denied earlier reports of his presidential aspirations, adding that "Vladimir Volfovich has all the qualities for the job."

With his limited social skills and churlish rhetoric, Zhirinovsky seems better suited to filling the role of "town drunk" or "social nuisance" than that of "president." There is a loudmouth drunk like Zhirinovsky in virtually every bar.

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Zhirinovsky (R) and Lugovoy (L) at press conference.

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Zhirinovsky has his own line of vodkas.

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Naked in the Russian winter.

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Swimming in an ice hole in a frozen lake.

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Zhirinovsky dons Batman costume for some reason.

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Zhirinovsky proves his virility by publicly fondling topless girls.

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Even the paparazzi refuse his rubles.

Friday, September 14, 2007

PUTIN NOMINATES PUTIN FOR PUTIN

Russian President Vladimir Putin has kept the experts baffled as to what his next move will be, accepting the resignation of his prime minister on Wednesday and immediately nominating the unknown Viktor A Zubkov to fill the post.

Mr. Zubkov has wowed Mr. Putin and few others as the head of a financial crimes agency.

The outgoing prime minister, Mikhail Fradkov, resigned on national television, reading from a script extolling Mr. Putin’s ability to build "a power structure in light of the upcoming political events."

Some political analysts believe that Mr. Putin installed Mr. Zubkov because he has demonstrated his loyalty and will follow orders in the upcoming presidential election. Mr. Putin has repeatedly indicated that he will honor Russia’s constitution and step down when his second term expires next year.

The Russian constitution, however, does not forbid Mr. Putin from seeking a third, non-consecutive term. Some have speculated that Mr. Putin will name a puppet as his successor who will develop a mysterious illness and promptly resign, enabling Mr. Putin to resume his presidency via a special election. In a different scenario, pro-Kremlin lawmakers in the Russian Duma could amend the constitution to permit Mr. Putin to remain in office.

One thing is clear: Mr. Putin has the power to choose the next president of Russia. While elections are held by popular vote, the ballots are meticulously managed by the Kremlin. Russian elections are won by candidates who enjoy the support of the government and the state-controlled news media.

Mr. Putin’s approval ratings hover above 70%. Of course, there is no independent polling in Russia. The polls which cast Mr. Putin in such a favorable light are directly commissioned by the Kremlin.

Analysts were surprised Wednesday that Mr. Putin did not promote presidential contender and deputy prime minister Sergei B. Iavonov to prime minister. Mr. Iavonov had appeared to gain the upper hand over his main rival, deputy prime minister Dmitry A. Medvedev in recent months. By installing a low-profile prime minister, Mr. Putin has increased the suspense: who will be his successor? Will he even have a successor?

My rubles are still on Mr. Iavonov.

Interesting, unverified facts:
When the name "Putin" is written in Japanese, it is the Japanese word for "pudding." In French, "Putin" means "prostitute."


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Fradkov sleeps with the fishes.

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Translation: I see, you’re not working!

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Putin names a surprise successor.

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Russia is cold.

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Putin is warm.

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KGB-style.

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No, let me drive!